Just a softball coach

With over two decades of experience as a youth coach, primarily in girls' fast pitch softball and, to a lesser extent, boys' youth basketball, I have gained significant insights throughout my coaching career.

Early Athletic Foundations

I want to start at the beginning of my athletic journey. Growing up, I was involved in sports from a young age and continued playing through high school. While I considered myself an average athlete, I enjoyed participating in football, baseball, and basketball. In addition, I was a pretty good bowler. My athletic development was shaped significantly by my father, who was highly invested in my growth as an athlete.

My father regularly pushed me to improve. He would take me to the field on hot Saturday afternoons, throwing me batting practice and hitting me groundballs while my friends were having fun at the pool. As a teenager, he would insist that I get up at 7 a.m. on Saturdays to go play basketball, a routine that continued until I moved out in my twenties, after that I showed up on my own. Even after late nights out at the bars, sometimes until 2 a.m.—I would still wake up just a few hours later, often hungover, to go play basketball.

The Influence of My Father

My father was a good basketball player, and I was fortunate to play hoops with him throughout my teenage years and well into my early adulthood, right up until he retired from the game at age 50. On the basketball court, my dad was intense and competitive—he never once went easy on me. He didn’t treat me like his son during games; instead, he saw me as just another obstacle to winning. My father’s determination and his refusal to lose instilled in me a strong will to succeed, a lesson that has profoundly shaped my coaching philosophy.

For my father, basketball was much more than a game; it became a devoted part of his everyday life. Even after long, exhausting days spent working hard in his blue-collar job, he always found time to pick up a basketball daily. I once had to shovel a 12x12 area of foot high snow just so he can get shots up. That same passion and dedication that he showed for basketball is mirrored in my own connection to fast pitch softball, which has become my personal athletic addiction.

My Experience in Men’s Fast Pitch Softball

I played men’s fast pitch softball at a competitive level for approximately 15 years, and those years taught me a great deal about the game. One of the most important lessons I learned is just how much faster the sport is compared to baseball and how significantly more challenging it can be to hit successfully in fast pitch softball.

I can still recall my first experience playing third base. During that game, our pitcher instructed me to move up to cover a potential bunt. Following his direction, I found myself standing only about 15 feet away from a batter who was an imposing 6'0", 250-pound presence—and it was clear he had no intention of laying down a bunt. Concerned for my safety, I decided not to move up as close as advised. Predictably, the batter took advantage and executed a perfect bunt down the third base line which I was late getting to and forced a throw that sailed well into right field. He eventually came around to score, and we ended up losing the game 1-0—a loss I took responsibility for, as my hesitation cost us dearly.

Through dedication and persistence, I eventually taught myself how to pitch. This experience later enabled me to teach pitching to young players who were eager to learn the skill themselves.

Coaching Journey Begins…

My coaching career in softball began in the early 2000’s when I volunteered to lead my daughter's t-ball team. As she grew older, I progressed with her through the ranks, coaching 10u, 12u, and 14u recreational and travel ball teams. When my daughter turned 15, she decided to pursue cheerleading instead, marking the end of our shared journey in softball.

Although I was coaching my daughter, I was never labeled a "daddy ball" coach, I made it a point to hold my daughter to higher standards than her teammates and her teammates knew that she was not getting special treatment. She was a skilled pitcher, we spent countless hours practicing together at the field, echoing the commitment and dedication my own father showed during my athletic upbringing. Ultimately, my persistent push led her to step away from the sport.

At that crossroads, I faced a difficult decision: was I coaching to support my daughter, or did my passion for softball—and my inability to play due to a health condition while still having that competitiveness—drive me to continue? Choosing to remain in coaching proved to be one of the best decisions I've made. The fulfillment I experience from helping young athletes succeed far surpasses any satisfaction I previously gained from playing in men’s fast pitch games, more so to this day at the 18u level.

Winning

To my former players: Thank you for showing up, thank you for buying in, thank you for the missed parties and sacrifices you had to make because you Chose to be at the field. Thank you for showing me that success can be had my way and thank you for coming back year after year. I am extremely proud of you and all your accomplishments.

 I recognize that my approach as a coach has evolved over the years; I am now more understanding and less demanding than before. I have developed greater empathy for the unique challenges that today's athletes face, which differ significantly from those experienced by athletes 10 or 15 years ago. However, what has not changed is my desire to Win, my need to Win.

I know what I bring to the table just to win,

I know what I go through just to show up to practice and throw two hours of BP along with infield/outfield work

just to win.

I know the sweat I leave on the field every practice just to win.

 I know what those two hours are going to do to my body the next day and I continue to do it just to win.

I know the sacrifices that I make to be there for you just to win.

 I know I am not a bucket coach who sits and barks commands like some of these coaches around here, I need to work just as hard as you just to win.

I know that if you miss a ground ball at practice, I am going to hit you 10 more back-to-back and harder so

you can win,

I know that I am going to make sure you end your BP session on a positive note no matter how many pitches it takes me just so you can win.

I know that I am going to do everything in my power to help you succeed just so

you can win.

I know that your failures on the field are not your fault, as your coach, I am responsible for making sure you’re well prepared, so errors like missing a fly ball or throwing to the wrong base can be prevented so we all win!

My definition of winning has nothing to do with what the scoreboard says although it is more fun when the scoreboard is in our favor.  Winning to me is showing up day in and day out, even on the days you don’t want to be there because your tired or sore. Winning to me is preparing to the best of your ability knowing you can give no more and if the scoreboard says you lost, you just got beat by a better team on that day and its time to get back to work. This philosophy applies to more than just a sport, it’s a philosophy that should be carried into everyday life.

“Focus on the effort, not the result and the end result will reward the effort”

Rewarding effort rather than results helps drive long-term success. I have proven it

“Get beat don’t beat yourself”

Growth as a Coach

Throughout my coaching journey, I absorbed the fundamentals of competitive softball from a variety of coaches who without them I wouldn’t be half as successful as I am today. Fueled by determination and a genuine love for the game, I always encouraged my teams to train hard and play with unwavering intensity. One memorable example is when my 14u team competed against 18u opponents; not only did we remain competitive, but we also managed to win our share of games. This resilience was consistently demonstrated by our players, and it is something I continue to value deeply.

To this day, I maintain connections with many of my former players. Watching them grow from children into adults—some now getting married and starting families—is immensely gratifying. I take pride in knowing I played a small role in their achievements and personal growth, and I am truly proud of their successes.

My coaching journey has not always been smooth; I have had to overcome challenges and negativity within teams even to this day. These experiences taught me and continue to teach me to recognize when situations are more complex than they appear. Over two decades, one of the most valuable lessons I've learned is the importance of reading body language. Body language reveals everything I need to know about my players, helping me better understand and support them both on and off the field.

I've realized that recognizing who truly supports you is vital for personal growth. I truly understood this after being misled by assistant coaches one of which I considered a true friend the other was just a passerby but those experiences were necessary for my development.

I've realized that other people's opinions or advice aren't relevant, since they lack my perspective and experiences and I'm aware that some people don't like me, People perceive me as cocky or arrogant, but that's not the case—I am just confident in my abilities and walk the fine line between confidence and arrogance. I admit I occasionally cross over but don’t we all?

 Resilience Against Negativity

Over the years, I have learned that criticism and negative comments are inevitable in coaching. Whether its parents frustrated over their child's playing time, or disagreements with volunteers like the gamechanger guy—sometimes leading to amusing real-life stories—there will always be someone ready to talk behind your back or question your decisions. These moments could easily become distractions, but I’ve realized that allowing negativity to occupy your thoughts, even briefly, only creates unnecessary obstacles for yourself.

I make a conscious choice not to let negative opinions or outside criticism interfere with my passion and focus for coaching and winning. By refusing to give negativity any space in my mind, I protect my ability to lead and inspire my team.

Negativity has the potential to undermine any program, whether in high school or travel ball. The impact is especially pronounced in travel ball, where constant team changes and the emergence of new programs are common. Often, players discover that the improvements promised by these new programs are not as genuine as they seem, further contributing to an environment where negativity can thrive.

Building a Lasting Team Culture

Throughout my coaching career, I have succeeded in establishing a team culture that encourages players to return season after season. This environment is built on trust, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to hard work. Whether their motivation was a desire to play for me specifically or simply to remain part of a close-knit group, my players consistently chose to come back. They showed up, put in the effort at every practice, and demonstrated genuine respect for both me and their teammates.

This foundation of commitment and respect has translated directly into our on-field success.

You are only as good as the coaches you surround yourself with. I have been blessed throughout my coaching career to have guys and gal’s around me that I trust, and they trust me. I have had some assistants that did nothing for me and focused more on their own kid but I also had coaches with kids on the team that focused on all the players and not just their own. Having a coach focused on his own is not good for the culture of the program because players pick up on it.